


Sibling Rivalry

by counterfeitplates



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: An unhealthy aversion to dating sites, Dennis bangs everyone: the fanfic, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pretty Safe Sex, Sibling Rivalry, Sink sex?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-08 05:04:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/counterfeitplates/pseuds/counterfeitplates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sweet Dee, you don't know anything about the game. In fact, I think I, a straight man, could seduce a man better than you ever could." </p><p>Dee scoffs. "Psh, of course you could seduce some gay guy, they've got limited resources. Straight men have other women to go after, so it's not evenly balanced."</p><p>Dennis raises his eyebrows. "No, you've misunderstood me. I wouldn't be going after some gay guy. I'm saying I could seduce a straight guy faster than you could, hands down. Hell, I could probably score with everybody in the damn gang before you could even get a date with some loser online."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Bet

   "Dee, if you needed help finding a man, you should've just said so. I can't believe you'd turn to... to shit like this instead of the incredible master of seduction standing before you." 

Dennis snatches Dee's cell phone out of her hands before she has a chance to reply, holding it close to his face while she clambers for control of it once again, beginning to read aloud. 

   "Meetme profile for 'SweetDee23'- aw, Dee, you can't honestly be trying to tell people you're 23, no... you have yourself described on here as having an 'about average' body type. Oh Sweet Dee, you can't honestly expect people to see your pictures and then believe you when you say shit like this- and look at your pictures, it's like looking at the encyclopedia entry for the 'Ostrich'- Dee, this is what I'm talking about, there's not really a market for guys interested in giant, lying birds, how do you expect to catch anybody at all with this? You need to find a man in the real world, where he can't be disappointed after being duped by whatever miserable effort you put into presenting yourself as something palatable." 

Dee shoots Dennis a look of contempt, plucking the cell phone out of his hands once he's finished speaking. "Whatever, boner, you say that like there are any desirable men in this town. I don't wanna end up with a McPoyle or Cricket, so I'm gonna stick to the internet, a-thank-you." 

"Dee, Dee, Dee," Dennis chides, tilting his head condescendingly to one side, "There are plenty of desirable men in this town. Not that any of them would go for you as you are, obviously, but with a little bit of seduction, even you could score someone who's maybe.. hmm.. a five? A six even? You just need to know how to play the game." 

Dee scrunches up her face. "Know how to play the game? Dennis, I'm a hall of famer. I know the game, okay, I'm the world champion of ' _the game_ '. I don't need my brother telling me how to pick up men, okay, I _think_ I know what I'm doing here." 

"Sweet Dee, you don't know anything about the game. In fact, I think I, a straight man, could seduce a man in real life better than you ever could online." 

Dennis, leaning on the bar, smirks at his sister. There's no way she could ever get anywhere with this without his help, and she should know that. 

Dee scoffs. "Psh, of course you could seduce some gay guy, they've got limited resources. Straight men have other women to go after, so it's not evenly balanced."

Dennis raises his eyebrows. "No, you've misunderstood me. I wouldn't be going after some gay guy. I'm saying I could seduce a straight guy faster than you could, hands down. Hell, I could probably score with everybody in the damn gang before you could even get a date with some loser online." 

Dee's eyes glint with mischief. "Yeah? Prove it, turkey. I bet you couldn't get with Mac or Charlie if your life depended on it." 

Dennis stands up straight, all business.

"And if I win, I get to delete your online profile and introduce you to some respectable men." 

Dees face is incredulous. "You're not seriously doing this, are you?" 

"I'm willing to do what I have to to win, Dee." 

"Well, game on, asshole." 


	2. Mac

   After the talk with Dee, Dennis returns home, alone. Mac's gone off to the video store- tonight's movie night, which is, if Dennis is being honest with himself, as perfect a scenario as he could've possibly hoped for. If Mac was a girl, it would take him about eight seconds to get him in the bedroom with his pants down; however, this would be different. This had to be careful. Extremely careful.

   Dennis walks inside his apartment and closes the door behind him before leaning on it heavily. He breathes in deep- there's no doubt he can do this, for sure, but he's not exactly sure he can _do_ this. Mac is his best friend- he's not even sure he can get it UP for him, much less bang him. He had to make sure early- he could find a way around it somehow, yeah, but he needed to know what the current situation allowed him to begin with.

   Then, he has an idea.

   Standing up straight, he meanders into Mac's room and sits down on his bed, looking around. He has a while before Mac gets home- long enough, maybe, to check if this is gonna work for him. He lies back and thinks of his best friend; thinks about how forbidden this whole thing is, how risky. He imagines pinning Mac to a wall, and being able to boss him around for once. Imagines guiding Mac's mouth along his dick, probably sputtering on his length a few times. Imagines bending Mac over, and using his own saliva as lube as he teaches him how awesome sex can be when you're with Dennis Reynolds. Can't imagine anything else now, with how surprisingly hard he's becoming. Absentmindedly begins to rub himself through his tight pants. And he, unfortunately, doesn't realize when Mac's walked into the apartment, boasting about how he rented Predator again. 

\--

   Dennis sits straight up when he hears the doorknob turning, making his way back out of his reverie and yanking his hand away from his dick before using it to prop himself up on the bed.

   "Dude, are you in here?" 

   "Uh, yeah, yeah, c'mon in."

   "What the fuck are you doing in my bed?" 

   Shit. He didn't think about that. This was going to look pretty fucking weird. 

    "Oh I was... I was gonna show you something, obviously, why else would I be... In here..." Dennis laughs in this lilting, haughtily nervous way before patting the bed, signaling Mac to sit down next to him. 

    "Yeah, so, what is it?" Mac looks around expectantly. 

    "Uh, yeah. So I was thinking earlier, maybe... maybe I could teach you how to get more chicks back here. You may not have this male-model-esque, chiseled body, I mean, you're getting there, but there's no reason why you shouldn't be reelin' in girls left and right as you are.

    "Alright, dude, I'm listening." Mac leans back slightly, listening readily.

    Dennis takes a deep breath. "I'm thinking, maybe you need to get better at... at the sex, that you're having. With these girls. I feel like if you get better at that, then, you know, they'll tell their friends about you, and you'll build up a reputation."

    Mac leapt up off of the bed, his face gradually turning red. 

    "I'VE HAD TONS OF SEX! I DON'T NEED HELP FROM YOU! I HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOM AND SHE TOTALLY LIKED IT!" Perfect. Dennis was expecting this. 

    "Yeah buddy, but is it quality sex? What exactly are you doing to these girls?" 

    "See, see you don't know. I know what kinda sex you're having, but you don't know what kinda sex I'm having. That's the problem. I've seen you in action, but you've never seen me, and you totally should." 

    "Alright, so where are your tapes?"

    Mac shoots Dennis an incredulous look. "You know I don't film my bangs like you do." 

    "Alright, then, why don't you just... show me? On me?" 

    This was definitely a leap of faith. He felt like Mac was worked up enough to go for it, he'd had his motives questioned. Although, this could also totally backfire. Dennis could work around that, too.

    "Well, I mean, sure, okay." 

    Dennis sighs internally with relief. It'd be easy from here on out. 

\--

    "Stand up, dude." 

    Dennis stands up, raising an eyebrow. "What... what are you doing?"  

    "I'm gettin' ready to show you how I... you know what man, this is weird." 

    "No, no, I think it's okay, I mean, we're just two guys. This is what guys do. This is what friends do. Just show me, show me your moves."

     Mac steps back for a minute and whirls his hands around in the air in some faux-karate gesture before taking a deep breath and staring into space. Just as Dennis is about to tell him that, yeah, he's already seen his karate moves, Mac snaps out of it and stands up straight, looking Dennis right in the eyes. 

    "Hey, uh, the bed's definitely more comfortable if you wanted to sit down for a minute while I go get us something to eat." 

    "Mac, you definitely learned this from me. While I'm proud and honored that you're using my system, I-" 

    "Dude, do you wanna see how I work, or not?" 

    Dennis mimes zipping his lips, and continues watching. God, this is almost kind of embarassing. Mac saunters out of the room, and comes back in with a peeled apple and- oh, yeah, okay, no shirt. 

    "It's pretty hot out there." 

    Dennis raises his eyebrows in mock surprise as Mac drops the apple into his hands. "Apple skins are loaded with toxins, you know. You gotta be careful." 

    Dennis nods slightly. This was sort of painful to watch, if he was being honest with himself. 

    "Now, you know, that's when, when she usually takes the lead." 

    "What?" 

    "Now's when she comes over and starts stripping or whatever dude, don't you know how sex works?" 

    Dennis stands up and starts taking off his shirt, dropping it on the floor with casual flair, much to Mac's surprise. 

    "What, you wanna continue?" 

    "Of course, I mean, it doesn't stop here, does it?" 

    "Well, here's where it gets more sexual, so I mean." 

    "And?" 

    Mac tilts his head noncommitally before motioning Dennis closer. "She usually gets on top of me and then we make out a while and flip positions so I'm on top of HER, and then-" Mac stops. Dennis has made his way on top of the bed, and, more importantly, on top of Mac. Mac's breath becomes a little shaky- there's no way this is happening. It's not like he'd ever thought of this kind of thing before- dreams don't count, obviously, but. There's no way. There is no WAY Dennis is actually into this. Sure, Mac himself was getting a little hard, but it's just the moment, right? Being that close to pretty much anybody else in this situation would do that too, right? Yeah, right. Definitely. 

    Well, maybe. 

    Dennis scoots his knee up in between Mac's legs, rubbing against his crotch ever-so-slightly with his hands placed on either side of Mac's shoulders. Oh, this was going to be easy. He felt Mac getting hard already. 

    That's when he goes in for the kill. 

    Before Mac has the opportunity to say a damn thing, Dennis kisses him, full on. He manages to hold him down for a minute, long enough to shift and grind his pelvis up against Mac's, uneasily. He was, admittedly, a little off his game. This was just getting him amazingly worked up. When he breaks away for a moment, he expects to hear some sort of protest, or yell, or "What the hell, dude?!" from Mac, but oddly enough all he hears is the barest hint of a moan. 

    Oh.

    _Incredibly_ easy.

    Dennis kisses along Mac's face, his jawbone, his earlobe, all encouraged by intermittent frantic thrashing on the part of Mac's hips. Dennis travels down his friend's body, licking his right nipple on his way down to where the action could really start. Unzipping Mac's pants, Dennis secures a hold on his (now extremely) hard cock through his underwear, and begins to pump it back and forth agonizingly slow at first. He takes in the situation- he's in control, oh, very much in control. Nice. 

    Mac squirms under Dennis' touch, bucking his hips into his best friend's hand, almost entirely removed from reality at how nice he feels. How desperate he feels. 

    Dennis stops, for a moment, releasing his hold on his the other man's dick. Mac is dying for more, he can tell. All too easy. 

    "Don't stop _now_! We got in this and now you gotta finish it, dude, that's how it works!" Mac, starting to freak out, sits up on his elbows hastily as Dennis leans back on his own heels, staring him down. "Not unless you do something for me, first." Dennis cocks an eyebrow at Mac, popping up off of the bed and standing in front of his buddy for a moment before reaching for the zipper on the front of his jeans. "Oh, no, no way man, no." 

    "I thought you wanted more, Mac, why the sudden change of heart?" 

    Mac, visibly flustered, thinks about the options available and, surprisingly, moves forward to sit on the edge of the bed, and begins unzipping his Dennis' pants of his own accord. Dennis would be suprised at how easily this is all happening, but he has no time to be before Mac yanks his dick out of his briefs and plants his mouth on it sloppily. At this, Dennis loses control, letting out a small yell before shoving Mac's lips further along him, tugging on his hair fervently. This was unexpected. Usually he's totally cool- why should this be any different? Dennis doesn't know, and he doesn't really care at this point. All he cares about are the slurping noises Mac makes as he thrusts his length in and out of his mouth until he's incredibly erect, and almost ready to burst. Then, he pulls himself out of Mac's mouth before shoving him flush against the bed, reaching numbly for his pants and underwear, tugging them down until they are both sufficiently nude. Dennis takes a moment to look down at Mac, pridefully, as his buddy is gasping for air, in his complete control. Dennis hops up for a moment to grab his wallet, in his pants strewn somewhere halfway across the room- he grabs the condom sticking slightly out of it, and unrolls it on his hard cock. He's ready. 

    Mac is gazing up at him, mouth wet and eyes a little bleary, as Dennis starts getting ready to make him his own. He eases through the process by rubbing a shit ton of precome out of Mac with one hand, while preparing him with the other. After a while, he finally has the opportunity to ease into Mac, slowly but surely, making sure to savor every minute they have. Once he's in all the way, he takes a moment to kiss him hard on the mouth, making him sure to remember this feeling. Then, he pulls back, waits for Mac to stare up at him eagerly once more, and slams into him again. Dennis doesn't last long with this, but neither does Mac- he comes just before Dennis does, painting his own stomach white as Dennis thrusts into him hard and fast before letting out a cry and climaxing inside of him, falling down on top of Mac for a moment before easing his way out of him and stripping off the condom. They both lie there, letting the silence shine light on what had just happened between them.

   "I think. That mighta taught me some shit, actually. To use on girls, I mean." Mac stares up at the ceiling, panting a little bit and not looking at Dennis. 

   "Yeah, uh, that was. That was the goal." 

   "That. Makes sense. I mean. That was really awesome. It's cool seeing you in action like that." 

   "Well I mean, yeah, obviously." 

   "Yeah."

    "..."

    "..." 

    "..." 

    "Just to be clear on this, we're not gay, right?" 

    "Totally not gay. No way." 


	3. Charlie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four months and I'm finally updating this. Step up your goddamn game, Dennis. (This chapter is significantly longer than the others, whoops. Lots of building up to the actual event)

   It's when he walks in on him using the Paddy's mens room as a shower that Dennis finally figures out how he's going to hook Charlie. He knew Mac was going to be painfully easy; it took almost no effort at all to bang him. It was obvious, over the years, that Mac had a thing for Dennis- if he was being honest with himself, that was part of why he'd volunteered to get with the other guys in the gang. He knew that only half of it was going to be a challenge- the half that, unfortunately, Dennis walked in on in the throes of attempting to scrape grime off of his body with the cheap soap Paddy's kept in stock. It was then, watching this bizarre display of what was trying so hard to be hygiene, that Dennis realizes a fairly easy way to at least get Charlie naked in his vicinity of him which, being Dennis Reynolds, would be enough to make sure the rest took care of itself. 

    "Charlie, man, what are you doing?"

    "I thought you knew, I always shower in here."

    Well, that was a pathetic way to kick this off. It's not like this was the first time Dennis had walked in on this spectacle. He runs his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

    "No, no, not that. Why the hell do you shower here in the first place? Are there no showers in the shithole where you live?"

    Charlie swings his leg down from the sink, trailing little soap bubbles as he goes. Dennis winces a little. This was so goddamn pathetic. Charlie takes a quick breath, signaling the mildly-condescending answer that's sure to follow.

    "Of course there are showers, but there's no way I'm going to USE them. Have you seen the rest of my apartment building? Plus, why use communal showers when I have this nice, spacious bathroom, that I make sure is clean every day, to take care of what I need to do? Once a week in here is definitely all you really nee-"

    Dennis' plan now seemed like an actual necessity now, rather than just a ploy for sex. This was downright savage. 

    "I'm gonna have to stop you right there, you rub yourself down with soap in here once a WEEK?" 

    "Well, yeah, if I've got something special going on." 

    "Charlie, man, we need to figure out something different for you."

    "Oh, do you wanna just make it rain WATER, Dennis? Just water, falling from the sky, ready to wash away whatever needs washed away? Like some kind of- kind of water magician? No thank you, I'll just stick to this for now."

    Dennis knits his eyebrows together as Charlie turns around to continue washing himself in the sink. 

    "As your employer, I feel like you should really be- be cleaner, to work here. And probably be in public, at all."

    "Yeah, well, I get as clean as I need to be, right here." 

    "You wouldn't stop doing that," Dennis spits out, gesturing with disgust to Charlie, who is currently trying to get some sort of dried substance off of his upper right thigh, "-even if you had a chance to shower someplace, I dunno, with an actual goddamn shower?"

     "Nah, man, this is where it's at. I don't need anyone's fancy 'shower' when I have this sink, right here."

     Apparently, Dennis remarks to himself, desperate times are going to call for desperate measures. He saw Dee texting someone earlier, and who knows, she might have already found a guy to go on a date with- then, he would not _only_  look like an idiot, but he would have had sex with Mac for absolutely nothing (except for some pretty uncomfortable, but strangely erotic, dreams he had the following night. And all these weird but intriguing looks Mac keeps shooting him at the bar.). Dennis decides he's gonna have to go with another route.

    "Alright, do whatever you want, man. But if you ever need a place to shower, Mac and I have a fully functional one in our apartment."

    "Well, if the sink ever stops working, which it _won't_ , I'll take you up on that offer."  

    "Knock on wood, am I right, buddy?" 

    "What?" 

    "It's a- it's a saying, you know, when you don't wanna jinx something by saying that it'll- you know what, never mind." 

    "No, really, what am I jinxing here? Because if we're gonna have magic in here, I think that-"

    "Charlie, there's no magic, it's a figure of speech." 

    "Alright, man."

\--

    Later on that night, armed with his keys to the bar and some things he picked up from the hardware store, Dennis sneaks into Paddy's to put his plan in motion. After silently creeping around for a while to make sure none of his idiot friends were about, he sneaks into the bathrooms, swiftly disabling each sink as quickly as possible- with, hopefully, as little long-term damages to them as possible, too. But Dennis is very willing to risk having to shell out some cash for this. The look on Dee's face would be priceless- and the satisfaction of having won would be even better. After applying some hopefully-not-too industrial strength caulk to the inside of the pipes leading up to the very last sink, he sinks down to the floor. This had better be fucking worth it. It will be, he reassures himself. Of course it will be. Especially since Charlie will actually be clean for the whole thing.

\--

    The next morning, Dennis comes into work about an hour late, bleary-eyed and with a slight headache, to find Dee waiting for him with her arms crossed over her chest. 

    "What the hell did you do?"

    Dennis smirks a little, trying to keep his cool- though playing dirty wasn't necessarily against the rules of the bet, he's sure Dee isn't going to appreciate it anyways.

    "Dee, you can't possibly understand what's going on, as you aren't as well-trained as I in the art of seduction, but I'm bringing Charlie right into my arms." 

    "Okay, yeah, you have your little 'game' or whatever, but we have a bar to run, and none of the goddamn sinks work!"

    "Sweet Dee, what makes you think I had anything to do with-"

    "Your wallet was on the floor, assdick." 

    Fuck. 

   "Dee, okay, you have no idea what you're getting involved in, so give the wallet to me and don't tell Charlie-" 

   "I have no problem overlooking the sinks, if you tell me exactly what the hell you're planning on." 

   Dennis moves in close and quickly to tell his sister what's going on- he can't risk Charlie getting wind of what he's got set up, and there's no way Dee is getting involved in this. 

    "-So, then, when I have him naked at my apartment, I swoop in and-" 

   "Talkin' naked at the apartment? Sounds good, what happened?"

   Dennis jumps when he looks up at the figure of Charlie Kelly, standing right in front of them both. 

   "Nothing, just this girl I had over last night- say, Charlie, how often do you bathe?" 

   "What? I mean, I did yesterday, so I should be good for a few weeks or so, why do you wanna know?" 

   "No reason. Go start- start cleaning the bathrooms, or something, I'm talking about important shit with Dee."

   "Whatever, man, I'll go start checking for rats and-"    

   "No, no, start with the bathrooms." 

   "Okay, but that's not really in my routine right now? Which is pretty-" 

    "Just go, Charlie!" 

     Once they're finally rid of Charlie for the moment, Dennis turns to his sister and smiles triumphantly. 

     "So, is it a good plan or what? Just as easy as that." 

     "How can you be this goddamn stupid?" 

     Just as Dennis is about to make his retort, he hears a surprised grunt coming from the general area around the bathrooms, followed by some loud clanging and protests from part of Charlie as to why the water isn't turning on, goddammit. Dennis smiles at his sister.

     "Stupid? Maybe to an outside observer, like your, let's just say common, intellect. However, you'll come to see that my plan is genius." 

     Dee starts to say something, but then opts instead to start setting up shop for the day. Dennis, on the other hand, just sits there grinning.

\--

    Finally, finally, Charlie finds himself dirty enough to merit a shower. Walking out of the bar's front door, Dennis manages to catch him.

    "Hey buddy, where you going?" 

   "I was gonna go find a bathroom, see, I was bashing this rat and now it's kind of everywhere and I need to clean up some before I keep going and-" 

   "Oh but Charlie, why use a dirty CVS sink, one some guy probably just shot his load into, when you can come and shower at our nice, warm apartment?" 

   Charlie considers this for a moment, before conceding. 

   "Whatever man, I don't know why you want me naked in your house so bad, but I've gotta take you up on it." 

    Dennis smiles disarmingly. Bingo. 

    "Come on, I'll drive ya." 

\-- 

    Once they're at the apartment, Dennis unlocks the door and guides Charlie inside. Charlie has, of course, been there dozens of times for his sleepovers with Mac, and locates the shower with ease- nevertheless, Dennis keeps a firm hand on his back, guiding him to where he needs to be. As Charlie gets to the bathroom and turns to shut the door, Dennis stops for a minute. 

     "Do you see if there are any fresh towels in there? Mind you, do not touch those until you are squeaky goddamn clean, but they're gonna be good for you to have afterwards."

     While Charlie is turned around looking, Dennis quickly tapes the lock on the door so that he can open it at any time- Charlie doesn't seem like the type to be particularly modest, but he figures it's a good extra measure. 

     "Yeah, there's towels in here man, just let me shower so that I can get back to bashin' those rats for yo-" 

     "Okay, Charlie, get to it. Those rats aren't gonna bash themselves."

\--

      Dennis shuts the door lightly, and leans softly against the wall separating the bathroom from himself, listening for the water to turn on. When it does, he decides, he'll wait a minute and make his entrance. 

\--

      Several seconds later, he hears the water go on, the metal shower curtain rings draw back, and his friend step heavily into the shower. Setting his plan into gear, Dennis strides quickly to his room to grab his bottle of lube before heading back over to the bathroom, hiding it in his pants pocket and mustering up as much feigned surprise as he can before entering the room.

       He opens the door with ease- the lock trick worked perfectly- and lets out a short, startled yell. 

       "Aah! Charlie! I forgot you were in here and I had to get a-"

       "WHAT THE HELL DUDE? You're like, Charlie, come into my house, get naked? Use soap? Charlie, put yourself in this vulnerable position and I come into the bathroom and? And look for something? What are you doing here, dude?"

        Dennis wasn't expecting this much upset from him, but it would be fine, it would be fine. He turns to face Charlie with a judgmental look on his face, and plants a hand on his hip. 

       "Charlie you are barely being coherent orally, and from the looks of it, you're not doing so great physically either."

       "What? What the hell do you mean? I'm doing great physically."

       "Charlie you have- dirt, or, something I guess- all over you, man. How are you missing that?" 

       "Well sometimes it gets hot in showers, and it steams up, and that's why I use sinks! There's a reason I do the things that I do, Dennis."

        "Jesus dude, you can't even shower by yourself. Lemme just- lemme get in there and help you." 

        "Well if you honestly think you can do a better job at this than I am, be my guest, but it's really foggy in here and I don't know how you're planning on handling that."

         There we go. 

         Perfect.

         Dennis, with a hint of anxiety, notes that he's actually kind of eager to begin this. He pulls off his shirt, and casts his pants by the wayside- not, of course, before grabbing the tiny bottle of lube they contain. If things go south, Dennis figures, he can just tell Charlie it was in the shower to begin with, case closed. He steps out of his underwear delicately before heading over to the shower and opening the curtain to reveal, in clearer form, a mildly annoyed looking Charlie Kelly, soaking wet and dripping with soap. Dennis discretely pops the lube onto the ledge in the shower where he and Mac keep their shampoo, and turns to face the other man.

         "Now, I'm gonna show you how the hell to shower, since you apparently have no idea."

         Dennis gently wipes the soap out of Charlie's eyes, and spins him around by his shoulders to massage his back with ease. He starts on his upper back, still pseudo-soaping him up at this point, but trying to make it feel as good as possible. Slowly, but surely, he works his way down further- by the time he reaches Charlie's lower back, his friend lets out a small groan of pleasure.

         "Dude, that feels really good, where'd you learn to do that?"

         "It's not that difficult, Charlie, I guess it's just one of my many talents."

         When Dennis reaches Charlie's upper thighs, Charlie tightens up for just a second before thinking better of it and just letting Dennis do his thing. Perfect. Perfect perfect.

         Dennis' hands start to roam more, massaging Charlie's hips slightly towards the front, releasing more tension than he thought his friend could possibly hold anywhere. He knows the guy lives a difficult life, but he was so incredibly tense- he almost feels like he's doing Charlie a service, and having one of his best friends so close to him (especially while making those little pleasing noises every time Dennis hits a good spot) is making him harder than he expected. He was gonna have to get Charlie into it fast, before he caught on entirely. 

         Dennis works his hands more around Charlie's waist, until he accidentally brushes up against his dick- or so he would say if Charlie were to take offense. However, surprisingly, Dennis doesn't hear a goddamn peep from the guy; he does notice, though, that Charlie is every bit as hard as Dennis is, if not more so. Huh. Who knew.

         Dennis brings his lips to Charlie's neck and kisses it gently while wrapping a hand around his friend's cock, stroking it once to test the waters. 

         "Dude-" 

         Aw, hell.

         "Mm?"

         "Keep going," Charlie manages to gasp out.

         Who knows how long it's been since this kid has gotten laid, if ever. 

         Dennis takes the encouragement to heart and brings Charlie closer to him, grinding lightly against his ass while beginning to pump his cock harder. As Dennis bites down on Charlie's neck, he hears him issue forth a gasp as his dick twitches in Dennis' palm. Dennis begins to alternate his grip- here harder and faster, there softer and painstakingly slow- until at one point he just plain stops, and rests his hand on the flat of Charlie's stomach as he twists his friend around to kiss him hard on the mouth. 

         Dennis draws back, gasping a little, way more into the moment than he expected to be, and manages to choke out the words "do you want me?", to which Charlie fervently nods. Charlie is all the way rinsed now, and Dennis turns the shower off before grasping at the small bottle of lube and leading Charlie out of the shower so that he can hoist him up onto the counter a few feet away that houses the sink. He leans Charlie back against the mirror, and turns the sink spigot to the side- he doesn't want to break it, for one, and he also doesn't want Charlie to have any amount of discomfort. Kissing Charlie again, Dennis yanks open a certain drawer too excitedly and grabs a condom out of it. Charlie's face is momentarily darkened by a look of questioning, but it is quickly replaced by one of pleasure as Dennis lubes up a few fingers and begins preparing Charlie for what's to come. He winces a little every time Dennis adds another finger, but Dennis kisses him until everything just feels good again. 

          Once Charlie seems sufficiently ready, Dennis, in a cloud of arousal, pumps his own cock a few times while staring down at his friend spread open before him before swiftly unwrapping the condom and sliding it on. He enters Charlie slowly at first, letting him get used to the feeling. Eventually, once he seems fairly comfortable, Dennis begins to work at him harder- slamming into him fully, groaning and bracing himself on the same mirror Charlie is leaned up against for leverage. Charlie, meanwhile, is in ecstasy- jaw a little slack, he screws his eyes shut and moans while Dennis pounds him, hard. 

           They both reach their breaking points fairly quickly, and Charlie manages to cum all over Dennis' chest, something he would eventually bemoan later. Dennis, meanwhile, comes hard inside of Charlie, giving himself a few last strokes inside his friend before pulling out. Breathing hard, he leans up against the nearest wall and strips off the condom, face a little red from all the effort. 

            Charlie shifts to a sitting position, and after he catches his breath, he gets a slightly quizzical look on his face.

            "So, does this mean that we're supposed to be gay now or something? Because I don't really wanna have your baby, and I really hope that your sperm didn't eat any of my eggs, because I'm not really ready for-"

             "Charlie, stop talking. Nobody's gay, or anything, we just- uh. Helped each other out a little, is all." 

             Charlie nods, resigned, and sits in silence for a few more minutes. 

             "...so, you just? Keep lube in your shower? Or..." 

         


	4. The Result

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dennis finds out whether or not he won, after all.

    The morning after the events with Charlie, Dennis strides into the bar with the air of a champion. He walks over to his sister, straightens up his posture, and adopts an incredibly smug look on his face.

    "Well, Dee, I did it."

     "Did what?"

     "I... I did the bet, you know. The one that I could.. get with Mac and Charlie? Before you got a date on that stupid goddamn website?"

     Dee cracks the biggest smile ever and laughs in disbelief. 

     "You're not telling me you _seriously_ slept with Mac and Charlie."

     "W...what? I thought we had a deal." 

     "Dennis, I thought you were joking. I thought you were all pulling some goddamn prank again, and everyone was gonna laugh at me for believing that you... you would do that, but, apparently you just hate the age of technology so much that you really-"

      Dennis' face begins to darken in creeping horror. No.

      "Well, I did it, Dee, now tell me I won. I know I won. I get to delete your account now, right? Fair is fair?"

      Dee takes a break from trying and failing to hold in her laughter to grab her cell phone from its resting place on the table and hand it to her brother.

      "Sure, I don't give a shit."

      "But what about all your silly, silly hopes? And dreams? Of finding some desperate guy to-"

      "First of all, those aren't my dreams, idiot. Second of all, I already found some desper- some guy to date. Ben the Soldier." 

      "Really? You're dragging him into this again?"

      "Yeah, laugh it up, you still got pounded by Mac and Charlie."

      Dennis reddens slightly. She was never going to fucking let this go.

      "I was a _top_ , Dee, and even if I did bottom, I would have been a power bottom. There's just- just too much raw, unbridled power within me to-"

      Dennis is cut short by the feeling of an arm being clapped around his shoulders. He flinches and looks over to see Charlie, deep in thought, right up next to his face.

       "So, when we have this baby, do I get to be the dad? Because I think I'd make a great dad, all things considered, and I'd teach that kid important stuff. It'd grow up knowing how to boil denim, and cook street bird, and-"

        Just as Dennis is drawing in a deep, exasperated breath, another interruption comes in the form of Mac entering the room.

       "So, Dennis, I was thinking, and I think that you could help me get more girls and help me get much more better at sex if you showed me that stuff again like, once a week? Like we could have a really solid training regimen going on, and you could show me all those moves again, because I dunno if I totally learned it the first time."

       Dennis looks up at Dee helplessly.

       Dee, in turn, grins mercilessly.

       Yep.

       He was never gonna live this one down.


End file.
